new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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