it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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