sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
