Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
