and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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