honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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