pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
