What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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