i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
