If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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