If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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