Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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