What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
