Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
