I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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