Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
