Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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