These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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