i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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