Too much gin, very little bucket
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
