I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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