My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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