I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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