my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
