i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
