Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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