AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
