But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
