I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
