So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
