it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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