Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
