he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
