we have officially lost it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
