we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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