a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize