Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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