dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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