There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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