he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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