He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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