Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
