I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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