he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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