After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
