trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
