we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
