i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
