shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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