we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
