you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
