atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
