I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
