I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
