it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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