You made me cry and you don't even care
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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