we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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