where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
