like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
