1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
