The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
