somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
