I just made out with a guy for $7.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
only if we run a train.
done.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
