Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
