my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
