I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize