I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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