Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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