Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize