Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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